The Introverts Guide to Partying with Extroverts
After hearing from the introverts last week and how much they identified with different points in the "Partying with Introverts" article I wrote, I started thinking.
What do the extroverts want us to know?
So I asked, and got some fantastic responses.
1. COMPLAINING IN PUBLIC ABOUT INTROVERTING CAN BE HURTFUL
Imagine if someone spent time with you, and afterward you heard through another source that they felt absolutely exhausted after hanging out with you. It would sting, I bet.
Introverts at some point all experience needing to be alone, but not all hanging out lasts forever and we'll be fine. Honestly. If we're not it could be time to look at our life and figure out if something else is exhausting us. Meanwhile, our public complaining (or what to us is simply a comment) could very well lead to our friends feeling rejected and invalidated, and left tip-toeing on egg shells.
Listen to a quote from an extrovert who replied to my question on IG stories about what extroverts wish introverts knew.
"I find it very contradicting when I see on social media following an event, complaints from introverts saying things along the lines of, "I'm so spent." "Now to recover." "ALONE TIME!" etc... It makes me wonder if they really wanted to host the party, or if my conversation at the event was the one that pushed them over the edge, or maybe I was too taxing somehow. Then I feel like a burden and a bother of some kind, and hesitant to come again.
The same goes for if I'm hosting the introverts and I see sentiments like that after they go home. Similar thoughts, but on the other side of it."
There's a fine line between self-care, and selfishness. The tricky thing about things like this is that the other person really doesn't know if they somehow sucked the life out of you, and they have no way of knowing if you're commenting generally or personally about something. It's a big killjoy for hanging out with a particular introvert again, and that's sad because I personally think introverts do better in life when they have extrovert friends, and vice versa.
2. TURNS OUT, THEY WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH US
Another response to the Instagram question I put out was also something that made me think deeply.
"You don't have to do much. We love just being with people. If you feel awkward or quiet we will help bridge the gap and pull conversations."
Yes, I do love spending time with quieter people. It is actually very calming for me and lower intensity which I need after being around lots of extroverts. It brings out a more reflective side in me that I also like.
Here's the shocker...
"Not all people recharge me. Some drain me. So as an extrovert, I love time with people but I also find solace in several ways."
<Jaw drop> Pretty sure I just heard an extrovert say that time with other people can be draining.
I'm tapping into my 45% extroverted-ness here to say that one of the most valuable gifts we can give people is our time. This isn't to say we shouldn't take time for ourselves from time to time, but rather when we spend time with people we should be there with our whole heart.
There's a ton that goes into this topic, including how to make social time more interactive, but on this Monday evening I just wanted us to think about the opposite side a little. Of course we aren't the same, we aren't meant to be, but we are meant to be together as humans, communities, and friends. If I may borrow a quote from my last post, altered as if the extrovert was speaking:
Hi! It's ok if you are shy, or quiet. I know you have to introspect to figure the world out and sometimes I do it by going to a party. It's two different ways of arriving at a conclusion, but I would love to spend time with you and talk about things that matter to you. Meet halfway? No eggshells needed, but is anyone bringing brownies?
Brownies speak all languages.